How DARE She?

You know I hardly ever pay attention to ANYTHING that little Ms. Goody Two Shoes Meadow has to say, let alone do I ever take the time to respond, but enough is enough!

Let me set the scene for you. I was relaxing after my 23rd show enjoying a Pumpkin Spice Muffin Bath when my phone started ringing off the hook. Apparently people were calling about some feud I had with some random celebrity… or at least that’s what I thought they were calling about.

Turns out MEADOW had the nerve to call me a “wacktress” and they wanted to know my response. How DARE she?!!! Well in case I wasn’t loud in clear in the papers, here is my formal retort to Meadow:

First off, let’s look at who the REAL WACKTRESS is. It wasn’t me that bombed in To Kill A Cat Burglar. It was you Meadow, YOU! Forget the cat burglar, most people wanted to kill THEMSELVES after being exposed to your banal acting. I’ve never seen such dry, stiff, and unfortunate theatrics in my life… except for MAYBE Kristen Stewart in Twilight.

And as for Dangerous Curves getting “rave reviews” as you say, let’s be honest. Playing a less emotional version of yourself is NOT true talent.

Lastly, I’d just like to say MEADOW, as for your former co-star Dash who you seem to be obsessed with? Been there done that honey. You’re not his type.

Cleopatra Did it FIRST!

I felt really bad for missing my boo Kip’s bday last week. Especially since he decided to send me a li’l sumthin’ special because he missed me so much. These Diamond Star Earrings are totally amazing and I’m surprised Kip was able to pick out something so my style! (Of course I am a star so he really just put two and two together.) At that point I knew I had to do something great for him.

As you all know, I’ve already kicked off my tour in Europe. People are going nuts over my high wire act… After doing 4 shows back to back, I demanded a week off (because I am Cleopatra Holmes and I can do that) so I could treat Kippy to a nice France Rivieria Cruise. He was so surprised when my private jet picked him up. He’s usually the one planning the trips. Although it may sound so Beyonce and Jay-Z of me, remember Cleopatra did it first in ‘98 after my first single dropped when I was still with the hit girl group Hope Divine.

Anywayz, back to enjoying Dom Perignon with Kip. Remember! Cleopatra is a trendsetter not a follower. Peace and Love!

Kip Redeems Himself

While I realize I haven’t blogged in 2 weeks, you guys gotta understand that my AMAZING tour is what’s keeping me away from all of you. I’ve been so busy with costume fittings, meetings with the production team on how to successfully suspend me from the ceiling, and constant rehearsals. I promise this show will be all anyone will talk about for the next century! The “Fame Kills” tour will have nothing on Cleopatra Holmes!

And with all the stress being put on my hair and skin, not even I, Cleopatra Holmes, can get away from the hair damage and broken out skin. Thanks to Takahatchi for hooking me up with some majah beauty goodies. The Liquid Crystal Hair Bath is doing wonders for my luxurious locks. And I’m staying blemish free with my Organic Acai Berry Antioxidant Facial Cream.

Although I feel a bit, I’ll admit, lonely without my boo Kip, you’ll never guess what I got in the mail from him today. This totally swagalicious Love Heart V-Neck. I guess he’s still thinking about me :). I was starting to question after that little dress-up incident. (i.e when Kippy had to wear heels to escape Aristotle’s mansion).