How DARE She?

You know I hardly ever pay attention to ANYTHING that little Ms. Goody Two Shoes Meadow has to say, let alone do I ever take the time to respond, but enough is enough!

Let me set the scene for you. I was relaxing after my 23rd show enjoying a Pumpkin Spice Muffin Bath when my phone started ringing off the hook. Apparently people were calling about some feud I had with some random celebrity… or at least that’s what I thought they were calling about.

Turns out MEADOW had the nerve to call me a “wacktress” and they wanted to know my response. How DARE she?!!! Well in case I wasn’t loud in clear in the papers, here is my formal retort to Meadow:

First off, let’s look at who the REAL WACKTRESS is. It wasn’t me that bombed in To Kill A Cat Burglar. It was you Meadow, YOU! Forget the cat burglar, most people wanted to kill THEMSELVES after being exposed to your banal acting. I’ve never seen such dry, stiff, and unfortunate theatrics in my life… except for MAYBE Kristen Stewart in Twilight.

And as for Dangerous Curves getting “rave reviews” as you say, let’s be honest. Playing a less emotional version of yourself is NOT true talent.

Lastly, I’d just like to say MEADOW, as for your former co-star Dash who you seem to be obsessed with? Been there done that honey. You’re not his type.

Cleopatra Did it FIRST!

I felt really bad for missing my boo Kip’s bday last week. Especially since he decided to send me a li’l sumthin’ special because he missed me so much. These Diamond Star Earrings are totally amazing and I’m surprised Kip was able to pick out something so my style! (Of course I am a star so he really just put two and two together.) At that point I knew I had to do something great for him.

As you all know, I’ve already kicked off my tour in Europe. People are going nuts over my high wire act… After doing 4 shows back to back, I demanded a week off (because I am Cleopatra Holmes and I can do that) so I could treat Kippy to a nice France Rivieria Cruise. He was so surprised when my private jet picked him up. He’s usually the one planning the trips. Although it may sound so Beyonce and Jay-Z of me, remember Cleopatra did it first in ‘98 after my first single dropped when I was still with the hit girl group Hope Divine.

Anywayz, back to enjoying Dom Perignon with Kip. Remember! Cleopatra is a trendsetter not a follower. Peace and Love!

Kip Redeems Himself

While I realize I haven’t blogged in 2 weeks, you guys gotta understand that my AMAZING tour is what’s keeping me away from all of you. I’ve been so busy with costume fittings, meetings with the production team on how to successfully suspend me from the ceiling, and constant rehearsals. I promise this show will be all anyone will talk about for the next century! The “Fame Kills” tour will have nothing on Cleopatra Holmes!

And with all the stress being put on my hair and skin, not even I, Cleopatra Holmes, can get away from the hair damage and broken out skin. Thanks to Takahatchi for hooking me up with some majah beauty goodies. The Liquid Crystal Hair Bath is doing wonders for my luxurious locks. And I’m staying blemish free with my Organic Acai Berry Antioxidant Facial Cream.

Although I feel a bit, I’ll admit, lonely without my boo Kip, you’ll never guess what I got in the mail from him today. This totally swagalicious Love Heart V-Neck. I guess he’s still thinking about me :). I was starting to question after that little dress-up incident. (i.e when Kippy had to wear heels to escape Aristotle’s mansion).

Kanye West has a Bigger Ego than I do!

Oh the VMA’s. What can I say about the VMAs that hasn’t already been said? Poor Taylor Swift. That Kanye West has an even bigger ego than I do. And that’s saying a lot. I’ll just say this, if Kanye had done something like that to me, the Queen of music and video making, I would’ve ripped him a new one! Taylor’s young but she’ll learn the attitude she needs to have in this business.

Unfortunately, I was unable to attend the VMAs since I am out of the country getting ready to kick off my world tour. However, I got all the info using my MacBook Pro. I swear I couldn’t survive without my laptop. It also keeps me in contact with all you fans out there! And for those of you wondering what a fashionista like me thought of the evening’s fashion choices, I say that no one sparkled like me in my new Sequin Tank Dress. And while I admit… dare I say it… that Lady Gaga has a swagger all her own, the blood thing was too much. I mean, why destroy a perfectly good outfit? See ya on tour!

The Hour of Flower Power

Hello World! Aight, so looking back, it seems like my last post was certifiably emo: too much spa time left me alone with my thoughts, but now I’m ready to produce, play, and party! Aside from my emergence from the sauna, I think there’s something else in the air that’s lightening my mood… and I think I know what that is: to all you people who were born and raised on the left coast, it’s called FALL. Nestled between Summer and Winter, Fall is that happy medium of a season marked by the changing leaves and setting sun as well as knee-high riding boots and nubby sweaters.

Although the autumnal season doesn’t actually start until about a month from now, I’m sooo ready for the temperature to drop. But don’t worry my loyal fans! I have plenty of ways to keep it hot – one of them is my world tour, which kicks off next month. And another one is my smokin’ new Mike and Chris denim hoodie. I mean, I wanted the leather one but I decided to be practical, and living in Cali and all, I settled for denim. Speaking of the age of the denim jacket, I’m getting’ pumped to see that new movie about Woodstock. Anything that has a focus on music and great clothes – I’m there: after all, it is the story of my life. And don’t worry about it, I’ve already picked out the ‘fit that I’ll be wearing to the screening: my cute new woodstock chic mini dress, so I can finally live out my swagalicious flower child fantasy. PEACE!

Girl’s night..and day..in

Ugh, hello world. I’m currently drowning my sorrows amid a kelp-infused mud bath, sipping on cucumber-lime spa water, and hoping that my Kippy will get his bum back in my life before I go cray cray. With my BF gone, what else is a diva to do besides pamper herself? But I can’t spend ALL my wallowing at the spa – that’s why I’m thanking my lucky stars that all the products I’m using come in a cute lil’ travel kit. But sadly, the only place I’ll be travelin’ with my new Bagno Bath Set is home. To wait for the return of my baybay—argh can’t time speed up?!?!

In addition to cleansing my body and spirit over these next few days, I’m also starting a wardrobe cleanse! Ok, calm down y’all, I’ve just been wearing more basic pieces lately, like my new Marc Jacobs Day Lilly Embroidered Dress, in lieu of my usual crazy garb. But I promise it’s not permanent! I’m just on this kick to simplify my style right before I go on tour, so I can really come out with a BANG when I hit the stage. It’s actually kinda nice, my current lifestyle is like the calm before the storm – Saige would be so proud! Namaste y’all!

My return from the land of cotton, sarcophagi and namesakes: I know ya missed me!

Yo, sorry I’ve been so M.I.A. these past few days, but I swear I have a pretty good excuse. Lets just say it involves one of the seven wonders of the world, some sand dunes, and the only other person who I approve of sharing my name: yup, you probably guessed it, but I just got back from a bomb vaycay in Egypt with a certain Kip Deshler.

I’m not gonna lie, it was mad difficult having to share my fame with the other Cleopatra, who seems to be—er, it’s hard to say it—MORE famous than I am over there. But being the selfless superstar that I am, I got over it, and decide to pay the late Cleo her dues. Thankfully though, I was the only Cleo in Kip’s eyes: we canoodled amidst the ancient pyramids, and dined by candlelight with a view of the Sphinx. He even bought me a cute pair of Boyfriend Jeans that were just roomy enough for me to navigate the sand dunes in. And of course I upped the ante with my new Foxy Croptop – I mean, if I’m gonna be a global jetsetter, I’ve gotta do so in style!

Ah, it’s weird to be back to the grind (which for me involves recording tracks for my next album, reading incoming scripts, and going to costume fittings for my world tour… not too shabby, I know) – I’m exhausted, but in the life of a diva, there’s no time for jet lag!